Monday, January 01, 2007
*sigh*....yesterday was quite cool during the morning and evening,But as time goes by its already night and i wanted to call switheart coz i mish her...but then i don't what happened that make my tears roll down my cheeks,its been really hard saying words and hearing them...it make me feel like as if im useless..its like im not being nice to her and i feel like leaving her alone..but she rejected...because of eating too much chocolates i become more hyper and i don't even freaking care about what others feel about it,you all haters can hate me if you want to..i don't care,i have no right to stop you..im not your damn mouth..im just a stranger to you..soo you think that it will hurt me by saying things behind my back..dream on losers!!..i cried yesterday night..
current mood:miserable muzhafar..
After i put down the phone at at around 12...i walked to bed with a hurtful feelings,tears drop on the floor...then i sat on my bed looking around and i said to myself.."what is my purpose in this world?..is it to hurt peoples..is it to take peoples freedom?" i took my mp3 and hope that music can help me...but its like the FIRST time music had didn't helped me..usually when there is nobody there for me..my mp3 would cheer me up..but yesterday night was different,it was soo boring...i pull my blanket and cried myself to sleep,i cried till i was asleep and i don't know what happened next...All i could remember is that i dreamed about switheart..i really don't want her to go..and i've regretted doing all the hurtful things to her,i love her as much i could ever love that somebody...i dreamt that one day,she will forgive all my sins and will always be with me and our life is full of joy and wonders...its really fun...i got to hug her and make her smile...if only you know how i feel...i woke up at 3am and notice that im still crying...i cried because i miss her for no reason,there is this such feelings that i MISS her sssssssoooooo BADLY!!!!..for no reason...is she going anywhere?...But i couldn't find any answer to why i miss her...i feel like im not going to let her go..i'll be her protector and guider...i will guide her to a normal and happy life...i wish she could see me as an extraordinary person...and so far..my dream isn't fulfilled yet...thinking about all that,i suddenly could not sleep..all i can do is to miss her and say her name.. Nurul Hidayah Binte Hassan...i hug this pillow and wished that it was her,but what am i thinking...im soo childish....):
i know there is some visible changes in my life..like the way i react to problems and my physical state...i've been quite sick these past few days and i've grown taller too..i react to small problems ssooo fast that it might make it a bigger problem,i dare call myself a useless guy..coz i feel like it...
current mood:trying to think positively mood...
still with Hidayah..<3..
Besties for life !! updated at /
- 10:01 AM
